Ever feel like you're being pushed around? Well, welcome to my world. I'm not complaining, but it feels like the world has been literally placed on my shoulders.
With the last few weeks I've experienced a major emotional roller coaster ride. Having to deal with a life changing problem, to financial problems, and even down to trust issues. Maybe I'm over reacting just a bit with this, but I'm sure the majority of people would have a very hard time dealing with what I had to go through.
The thing is, I just want to live life and be happy.
Many may think I have an easy life because I choose to take things easy, but in reality it's not like that at all. I have to juggle classes, going to college full time isn't easy, even if I am taking "easy" classes it's not easy! Working part time also takes a big toll on me, having to work weekends is a major time consumer and drains what little I have left to finish off school work which forces me to cram or stay up really late. People just don't understand, especially people around me.
My dad has no interest in my college desires and that makes me feel horrible. Instead he screams at me to do things that aren't necessary at all. Maybe he used to care, but I suppose I made him care less from my reckless behavior when I was 18. However, I'm trying my best to move on from the past and into the future and he should too... Hopefully.
The one thing that I do admire about my dad, is his will to make sure that I'm "safe" in some odd way. He has never really given up on me and always been proud with all of my accomplishments. I know that I can trust him, but he would never trust me again. I feel really bad for that and I'm truly sorry or should I say I apologize because sorry is bullshit, is what he would say.
Lately I've been feeling very disconnected from everything around me. As if I've been sucked out of my body and placed somewhere else. I have no idea where, but it's somewhere. Feeling like this hasn't helped me emotionally. I've talked with my boyfriend about it some, but it doesn't fix itself in one day. I'd probably need months to talk everything out, maybe years.
One thing I miss the most is my art and my guitar I feel lost without them.
hmmm
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